Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the day after is always just damage control
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
