I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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