She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
