yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
