I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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