I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
