ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
