I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
