I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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