The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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