my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
