who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
