I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
