Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
