Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize