Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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