i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
