Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
