I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
