What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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