Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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