She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
