Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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