the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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