So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.