he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.