Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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  (610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/xgvv
  Replies (42) Good night (5508) Bad night (937)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.

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  (+61): I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy. http://tfl.nu/xos0
  Replies (10) Good night (5811) Bad night (942)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.

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  (917): I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud. http://tfl.nu/cvat
  Replies (15) Good night (5947) Bad night (1176)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.

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  (740): He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick. http://tfl.nu/4s44
  Replies (22) Good night (4942) Bad night (1380)
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  (914): View more from New York

  She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

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  (914): She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles. http://tfl.nu/pzt3
  Replies (19) Good night (2040) Bad night (6528)
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  (518): View more from New York

  We left an ass print on the piano.

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  (518): We left an ass print on the piano. http://tfl.nu/qaoo
  Replies (23) Good night (4070) Bad night (1036)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"

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  (512): We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping" http://tfl.nu/lb53
  Replies (7) Good night (2991) Bad night (762)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing

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  (573): If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing http://tfl.nu/6uck
  Replies (10) Good night (2518) Bad night (959)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?

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  (813): People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits? http://tfl.nu/du6g
  Replies (6) Good night (3259) Bad night (784)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.

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  (253): He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/0nhv
  Replies (8) Good night (994) Bad night (509)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I come from her. Holy hell.

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  (404): After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now" (404): I come from her. Holy hell. http://tfl.nu/sgm7
  Replies (13) Good night (3311) Bad night (652)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"

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  (920): Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!" http://tfl.nu/2v59
  Replies (0) Good night (913) Bad night (405)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.

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  (204): NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees. http://tfl.nu/cysh
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (434)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year

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  (775): Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year http://tfl.nu/q4wn
  Replies (1) Good night (391) Bad night (540)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.

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  (231): Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it. http://tfl.nu/zdq2
  Replies (0) Good night (550) Bad night (228)

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