she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
