Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
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The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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