You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
