So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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