there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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