shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
