Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
