You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
