idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
