Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
