Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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