i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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