Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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