All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
