She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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