I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will be naked everywhere
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
