Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
