yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
