i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
