Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
