i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
