yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
