Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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