I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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