i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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