I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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