On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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