Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Girls should come with a carfax report
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
