I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
