Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
