The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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