the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
