i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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