Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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