Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
