the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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