he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
