don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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