After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
