so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize