What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I touched a dick in church today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
