is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The feeling are messing with the penis
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
