Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
