and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
