is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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