Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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