If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
