i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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