is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
