your parents love me but you hate me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
