I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
