I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
