Jerry, you need to find god
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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